Who I Am.

Allow me to (re)introduce myself.

I’m Jessi. I carry many titles, all with significant meaning to my life.  I am a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, writer, coach and entrepreneur.  With each title comes a chapter of my story that makes me the unique individual that I am.

My story began quite simple.  I’m from a Christian family, two parents (still married), the youngest of two children, and, as luck would have it, the only girl in my immediate family.  So, you can imagine that my days were spent playing dolls alone or in the company of my brother and male cousins that I most likely forced to interact in whatever activity I was engaged in at the time. (and by forced I mean that literally.  I was a bit bossy).

I was a typical child, I like to think.  One that would rather play alone instead of doing something I found mundane or nonsensical.  In that, I may not have been typical.  Or at least not accommodating to those around me.  Yet my outlook has been the same for as long as I can remember.. “I just want to have fun”!

Through many trials, falls, bumps in my road, I do believe that I came out on top.  I made my mistakes, quite a few, but I regret nothing because I have found value in every lesson life has taught me.  I never felt my worth would come perfectionism, yet that my authenticity carried my truth. I was unique in my own right. I never vied to be like anyone else; I was content being me.

Fast forward many years, and today I am more comfortable in my skin than ever before.  To be fair, the comfort that I feel at this stage in my life hadn’t always been there.  I was plagued with discontent for a time.  I felt a sense of needing more in every stage.  I allowed myself to fall into a pit of despair, removing the vital aspects of myself that led to self sabotage.  After a period of being at my lowest self, I woke to a new version of myself that was screaming to be heard.  I made peace with who I was, what I wanted, what I needed, and realized through it all that none of it was possible until I learned to love myself, weakness and strengths alike, before I could press on with my future.  Something I never knew was as pertinent as self love, I had never fully engaged in this before.

As each chapter of our stories bring a highlight, this was mine.  I found myself.  I learned to stop saying ‘yes” to everyone except myself, and to start taking care of my needs.  I learned that as an emotionally driven personality, I needed to learn to control my emotions in order to gain control of myself to reshape my world.  I never felt truly comfortable relying on another person to take full care of me, yet I had done so for so long, only to be disappointed when let down because I expected more than others could give; especially when you don’t know yourself fully and what fuel needs to be added to make you light up.

The expectations I put on others was outlandish in comparison to the standards I held for myself.  Because I didn’t understand the concept of true self-love, I couldn’t fully embrace it.  Once I became aware, I fully submerged myself in learning everything I could to break my barriers and completely accept who I was about to become.  I needed to release my ego to begin living life out of love, instead of pride.

The journey wasn’t easy, but, as the saying goes, nothing worth having is.  When reteaching yourself how to react differently than your old tendencies, life becomes interesting.  Its as if you have an entirely new perspective on life with fresh eyes!  Imagine, if you will, being new to a country, unable to speak the native language and the feeling of amazement in everything you encounter.  That’s what it felt like to rewire my brain to see the positive in absolutely everything.  The process was interesting and daunting all the same.  Yet after a few weeks, I realized that my life was seemingly taking better avenues than ever before.  With a new perspective, I was able to let go of the hindering old habits, making way for better responses and a perspective of love.

To say I gained a new outlook would be an understatement.  I gained more than an outlook, I gained a new life.  The old me was mad.  All. The. Time.  I carried a chip on my shoulder that was relentless and unwavering.  I held others at an unworldly standard, one that I didn’t even hold for myself.  I expected more from others than I was ever willing to give.  I had a lot of growing to do.. and that’s exactly what I did.

Now, whether you find significance in zodiac signs and their characteristics or not, I am a Scorpio.  (enough said! haha)  In all actuality, I am very much like what the characterized Scorpio is..  passionate, a thinker, intense, a rough exterior, brutally honest, protective, and incredibly loyal (unless i have a reason not to be).  Although I don’t forgive easily, I can be your absolute best ally if need be.  What I came to understand about myself is that being categorized is unnecessary.  Do I find humor in the fact that the characteristics are accurate, yes, of course!  But, I also understand that there is little need for me to be callus (unnecessarily) in a world where there is a dire need to spread love.  When I changed the way I reacted, changed the way I treated others (out of my own lack of self love), I taught myself and those around me that the importance of kindness outweighs criticism.

Sure, there is a harsh reality for some when doing this kind of work.  I didn’t come from a puzzled past that needs blasted from the rooftops seeking pity.  My past is exactly where it needs to be.. behind me.  It will never define me because I grew from the lessons learned from each choice I made.  I live for today, encapsulated in the moment!

I also believe this is what makes me a great coach and keeps me seeking for better than I was yesterday.  Growth doesn’t happen overnight, and neither will the change that I was created to make in the world.

Luckily, I know the value of patience and perseverance and will continue to share my voice for those needing to hear it.