Living on your terms.

Life has a funny way of making us uncomfortable in order to force us to change. A few years ago, I woke up to a profound feeling of failure.  It took a lot of searching to understand where this feeling was coming from and why now.  Being an emotionally driven person, I didn’t recognize this feeling, yet I wanted to understand.  The sudden discomfort in various aspects of my life was overwhelming and unnerving.  I couldn’t pinpoint what it was that I needed to come to terms with.

Unfortunately, being quite unsure of where to turn, I felt lost for a long time.  I could feel something nagging at my heart.  Something was trying to tell me to move, to stop watching my life pass, to get up and live.  I felt a range of emotions for a very long time, unaware of how to feel them and release them to feel sane again.  The one thing that plagued my mind was that I felt that my identity had been lost.  That I had poured myself into everyone and every other need that I neglected mine.  And I had done so for so long, I couldn’t even feel the fire inside that filled me with the passion for the things I love, the dreams I had, and desire to change the world.

I knew I couldn’t continue like this.  I knew this was something that had to change, but to do so I had to get to the root of the problem.  The process was intense and long.  It was painful, physically and emotionally.  I began a search for answers from within.  But along the way I asked for help where necessary.  I tried acupuncture, therapeutic massages, and a few other recommended ideas.  The most helpful suggestion was meditation.  With practice, I began to feel lighter, more free.  I was allowing the burdens that I carried to be lifted.  I no longer felt the need to remain in an unsettling status.  Long before this took over, I knew I was meant for great things.. and this was not going to be what got in my way.

For whatever reason, someone higher than I could ever imagine, God, the Universe, whomever, was telling me to move.  I was being pulled out of the cave I dug myself into and out of my comfort zone.  I needed to become uncomfortable to realize that I am more than my fears.  I am more than anything that I could allow to hold me back.  I needed to say no to the things that no longer lifted me.  I needed to learn to break down my walls of fear (failure, new horizons, disappointing others, etc) and start living for me.  What people don’t realize is that by living for you, growing you, becoming the highest version of yourself that you can be, you are becoming more for them as well.  There is a boundary that needs placed, I believe.  We tend to give our all to others, leaving nothing for ourselves, which turns into resentment, anger, frustration and fear.

Learn to let go.  Learn to love yourself first.  Some may not understand and that’s okay.  What is meant to satisfy you life will remain, what is not will go.   Trust that the universe has a bigger, better plan for you than you can even imagine.

Journal.  Meditate.  Recite affirmations.  Manifest your dreams.

These are all practices that I’ve learned to appreciate.. they are more healing than you think.

If you’re feeling lost, unsure of your place in this world, or simply feel a need for guidance, reach out.  A helping hand, a caring heart, and thoughtful words are just around the corner.