The Mama Chronicles: Freedom

Long ago, a belief held its place in my mind of who I’d become.  I knew what I wanted, where I wanted to be, and that one day, regardless of circumstances, I’d get there.  It’s funny to think of all the roadblocks I’ve encountered along the way.  But, I can say, that pushing aside the procrastination and fear, I’m one step closer.

I’m certain its safe to say that this is a thought that has crossed all of our minds at one point or another.  We all have an idea of what our life will become as we grow into adults.  What becomes and what we “planned” aren’t always the same, but aspects share similarity.  If they don’t and you’re unhappy with your placement, its time to make a change.  I have felt this first-hand.

Roughly, ten years ago I never expected to have children.  After some dreadful news of possible infertility issues, I resigned myself to being without children for the rest of my life.  After making peace with this revelation, I made a choice to have the best life possible.  I had to realign my dreams, ideas, and what I thought my life would be.  Many changes took place for me to finally find peace, but I grew from them.  I knew that these changes were necessary for my well-being.  Fast forward to the present, and I have two beautifully different little humans that I can call my own.

Clearly, a readjustment in my thought process of a life I never expected had to happen, but it was all for the better.  In that, I gained children that keep me alive, even on the days when I feel like they’re trying to push me into an early grave!  I love those cuties, yet there is no exaggeration necessary in saying that some days.. oh, boy! some days..

As any parent, I don’t dislike one minute of life after having kids.  What I do regret is allowing myself to take a backseat and lose myself in the process of raising them.  Every single, solitary dream I had had been squashed, run over, burned or worse.  I have no one to blame except myself.  I allowed this to happen.  I may not have seen it as it was taking place, yet I didn’t stop it either once the realization hit me.

So, now what, you ask?  Here’s the promising part.  I have regained my footing as a person.  Not just a mom or wife, yet an actual living, breathing human being.  I have stood my ground in taking back all of the life I’ve pushed aside and am determined to make the most of it.  Of course, my children will not be neglected or forgotten; they’ll be beside me to see that I am doing what I was put on this earth to do.  Be a woman with a dream and be their mom.  If you’re a mom, you understand that this all requires serious multi-tasking skills, which we have perfected.

What we need to remember is that just because we become parents, doesn’t mean that all of who we want to be gets lost.  Hopes, dreams, passion, goals..  all of this is still obtainable with a little adjustment.  Our kids don’t want us pacing through our days in a state of zombified existence.  No!  They need to see you growing, learning, making adjustments to create that life, the one that benefits them as well.  As long as we don’t lose what’s important to them…  being there for them.  Get your work done, be the dream that you know you can be, yet do it all while cheering them on at their events, attending their school concerts, teaching them to ride a bike or taking the time to read to them each night at bedtime.  That’s what they care about..  who showed up to be there for them consistently.

You see, we don’t lose ourselves by accident.  It’s an intentional decline that we’re simply unaware of as its taking place.  When we decide to be that person again (or a better version of who we once were), we move towards the ultimate achievement:  winning the hearts of our kids in ways we never imagined.  Accomplish the goals and live out the dreams you’ve carried long before the kids came into your story.  But make it beneficial to them as well.. let them see that they are a priority in your story and that your story isn’t complete without them.