Losing faith.

I feel lost. That no amount of motivation is going to get me through the day. Every ounce of positive energy has faded. I feel that I’ve lost my way.

Each morning I wake with good intentions. I talk myself into my morning routine and push past the urge to crawl back into bed. My gut is saying “Go! You’ve got this!”, yet mind contradicts every word.

I’ve reached no resolution to this dread I feel every day. I find no peace within my soul. I slip further away from who I’ve known myself to be.

There are no such words to express my thoughts to others.. for they will only see a broken shell of who I once was. I hold in all of those thoughts running rampant in my mind. Overwhelmed by confusion, desire, exhaustion and need. If there is no end in sight, where do I turn? Is this all in my mind?

I was convinced that I would be someone someday. I didn’t feel myself let go of that dream. How did I end up here? If only someone would grasp my hand and tell me everything will be okay. With certainty, I feel I can climb from the bottom to see the stars once again. I just don’t know how.

They say that when you’re frozen in a moment for too long that it becomes your reality. I cannot stay this way forever. I long to see the ocean, the sunrise and the trees. I long to hear sincere words spoken with great pleasure. I want to laugh again. I want to enjoy this life.

As lovely as I can imagine, I want to be whole again.