A new journey.

I don’t know about you, but this year has sparked a new reality in my life.  I’m discovering myself once again, and with that I’ve gained a new appreciation for the things that set my soul ablaze.  I’m tired of settling for mediocre and mundane.  I’m done living the life I’m expected to live.  I want to be free to live the life I’ve always dreamed of.  That said, I’m on a mission to be the everything I’ve always known I’d be.. without fear holding me back.

If you’re like me, I get fired up, do the work, yet when the work hits a roadblock, I back down.  I know me better than anyone else does.  I know what makes me tick, what motivates me the most, and how to get the job done, but I also know that most of the time the idea isn’t enough to get me off my bum to actually make forever changes.  I sike myself out constantly.  The worst for me is mom guilt.  Oh gosh, the mom guilt.  For as long as my kids have been alive I’ve been beside them.  Before my son, I learned about attachment parenting and I ran with that concept for years.  No regrets at all because I have the most precious bond with my kids that nobody can bruise.  But by doing so, they rely on me and my presence for absolutely everything.  I’m going to say it’s draining, but I don’t mean that in a derogatory manner. They are my everything and they are why I need to fulfill more than momhood.  For years, I’ve been writing this blog.  I’ve told you my inner demons and we’ve laughed about some of the ridiculous happenings of my time with you.  This will continue because its my baby.. and I need to find more just like this to keep that fire inside.  I need to keep my mind moving.  I have a head full of writings, short stories, works that need published, and so much more that I have a strong desire to spill out on every page possible.

Are you tired of living the life someone else has sought out for you?  I know I am.  I know I have to reach that potential that has been burning a hole in me for as long as I can remember.  Its funny, actually.. as parents we take on a role of mom or dad, only to forget who we were before our kids arrived.  I know I have.  A few years ago, I had an epiphany that this isn’t all I was created to do.  I was made to do more.  Being a mom is amazing and my kids will be okay if I do more.  I just have to do it.  Prioritizing, making the necessary adjustments, etc. is how its going to get done.  Yes, it’s a hard transition, mostly for the kids, but I believe that in this change it’s also teaching the kids to follow their dreams and to not back down from fear of failure.  We are all going to hit hardships on the road to self-discovery, yet we know that the end result, whatever it may be, will be worth every moment.

I love to read as much as I love to write.  I think its very important to continue to educate ourselves in order to grow.  Once we close that door, we close off the chance to bloom into our inner self; the one we’re meant to be.  There is a part of me that is tired.  I’m exhausted from being something I’m not.  I need to break the barriers of fear to be who and what I know I can be.  You can do the same.  I know that if you’re still reading this it’s because something here has caught your attention.  You know your potential.  You know that dream job, that idea to drop everything and travel, whatever it might be is tearing you up inside.  Within reason, I say do it!  By that I mean, theoretically, you can’t just drop everything.  You need a plan.  You need to know that the people you love, who love you are supportive because a support system, like it or not, is the backbone to any successful life.  Now, I’m not saying that everyone has to agree with everything  you do.  Trust me.. my life has been a series of disappointed looks, eye rolls, etc when I spout off the ideas that are constantly running through my head, but I also know what I am capable of and the proper, mature way of doing so.  I have kids. Clearly, I can’t just pick up and go, but I can plan for excursions and opportunities around their needs.  Here is where that support system becomes important..  many of us, including myself, have at one time or another thought that they could go through life alone and be perfectly content.  But when you consider the details of elation and despair, who do you turn to if you’ve boarded yourself up?  You simply can’t.  And if you have kids..  dreams are still there, a need to achieve those dreams are still burning brightly, and your need for support hasn’t changed.  Your support group is like a reality check mixed with a glimmer of hope.  They want you to succeed, yet they will be your outside perspective to keep you in-check.

The funny thing is that I have an amazing group of supportive individuals, all who bring something unique to my reality.  We have the family who read your work because, well, they’re your family.  Friends who love you and go along with you because its you.  Never really knowing if what you’re doing is good.  Or at least good enough to get the job done, in your (aka my) opinion.  A continued willingness to learn, expand and mature in whatever it is that you want to do, is key to success.  I struggle with this daily.  No matter what it looks like from the outside, we all have a hidden torture inside of us screaming that we can’t do it; that giving up makes more sense; that doing something easier is where it’s at.  I have lived this life for years.  Quite honestly, I don’t know that I’ve ever truly lived to my truest potential.  That’s really sad.  I’ve spent this many years living with pictures in my mind of a life I don’t have the courage to live.

And.. on that note, I’m done being afraid of myself.  Its time to put all of that fear aside and jump over the wall that I’ve created.

Its MY time!