The Mama Chronicles: on my knees

{This post is hard to write.  I am not writing it for you to feel sorry for me or my daughter, yet to know where I’m coming from.  We have a good life.  No matter the challenges, my kids are my entire world, diagnosis or not.  As you read farther, I hope to put into…

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Blades of grass.

I want to see the constellations. Feel each blade of grass on my feet. Do all of the things I’ve never done. I want to dance by moonlight. On a beach while the waves crash around us. I want to wake up to see you there beside me. I want to live all the dreams…

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Turn your head.

For years now I’ve slowly broken, yet you hadn’t noticed. I try to keep composure to paint the pretty picture of a lovely life; crumbling deep inside. I walk through my days wearing discontent like perfume, to no avail. Never do words of concern pour from your lips.  Assuming a perfect life is being portrayed…

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Brain power.

So much of our time is spent playing reruns in our mind of the horrible could-be results of any decision we make. We lose sleep, stop eating, become cranky, whatever tragic mess you turn into when too much is occupying your head. Unfortunately, our heads and our hearts have a tantrum over who gets the…

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If it isn’t meant to be..

I can feel you all over me.  I can feel you breath on my neck, your hand holding mine, the closeness of your presence before I ever laid my eyes on you.  But you’re not here.. Why does it hurt when I think of you? No one will ever know what happened in our minds. …

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You had my heart.

No matter the day or time, you’ve caught my heart in the most abrupt way. Unchallenged, you walked into my life, brightening the somberness with your tender touch. Mesmerized by your unique ability to grasp my reality, you never falter. You stand strong against my wind. You take on my darkness as if it’s your…

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Just a boy.

Rugged around the edges, he’s equal parts soft-hearted and muddy shoes. He wants to know everything about archeology, the human body and dirt bikes. He plays outside, swims and partakes in ornery shenanigans. Bearing the sweetest heart, he cries easily and speaks warm stories to melt my heart. Each day I’m reminded how extraordinary he…

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Permission to break.

The days are longer than they ever used to be.  There are times when you can’t stand to open your eyes.  Going through the motions of life, just to keep the slightest bit of sanity alive.  Remembering all of the things that make you so uniquely you, it hurts.  You know that who you used…

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Runaway.

“What happens now?” he asked.  He stares into the night sky, unable to look at her. “I leave.” she replies.  Knowing that the brutal honesty is crushing to him, yet she’s unable to stay. “Will you come back? Is this the end?”  He feels compelled to ask, knowing the answer. “I leave.”  She said again. …

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Without her.

Never a time has come that I could imagine my life without her. Her spontaneity bring virtue to my soul and light to my darkest days. She is sprightly, fierce and electric. Her strength is unmatched; her will unapologetic. She came into my life on a whim, unaware of her beauty, she rises to every…

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Tattered.

Her chest was heavy, her skin pale. Tears trickle down her cheeks as the door closes. Forevermore, she will remain humbled. Spoken truth cuts like a razor, freeing her from the life she had lived. She knew her worth was greater than he could provide. She apologized for her behavior. She knew she could never…

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Becoming love.

A profound feeling of hopelessness compounded with a great intensity of desire. Gray skies surrounding your senses, clouding your conscience and bruising your ego. Is it possible to love another being as the fairy tales describe? Or is this feeling merely a folktale we are taught to believe? If love truly exists, why does it…

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breaking it down.

You know I can write fiction all day long, but how do you go from doing what you’re absolutely passionate about to being paid to do what you’re passionate about?  That is the question of the century!  I am on a mission to figure this one out for all of us.  It’s not just about…

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The Mama Chronicles: Me and the perception of failure.

We all fail at some point. We have climbed mountains, feeling exuberant only to lose our grip and crash hard. We have had moments of giddiness that band-aid our sulking reality. This is what I want to talk about today. Failure. What haunts our dreams and kills the slightest tinge of hope. We allow our…

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