Identity crisis.

It’s been said that once you’re a parent, you tend to lose any and all identity you once had.  I am here today to say that this is true.  Although, I have lost my entire being to two adorable kiddos, I have added a few names to my calling.

The list is as follows:
~ The most prominent is Mom.
This name was first given to me by our son, Brixton.  He began calling me this name almost four years ago.
~ The most loving name is Wife (or Babe).
Even though I know my kids call me with love (and demanding attitude), my husband’s name for me is purely sentimental.  He calls me Wife with love in his eyes and longing in his heart.
~ The name I hear most often is “MAMA!”
When it’s said I know there are likely tears to follow.  When Brixton was born I taught him to call me Mama because I liked it better.  As he’s grown, he says both Mama and Mom, depending on the situation.

You see, I am rarely called by my given name, which is okay.  I’m not complaining.  What I’m saying is this..

Before being a parent, I wore stylish clothing, always fixed my hair, wore makeup daily, and went on coffee dates with friends.  Now my days look like this.. I wake in the morning, usually to the slapping hand across my face by Ingrid.  Thanks kid!  Once I’m awake, I throw on a pair of Capri yoga pants and a fitted t-shirt.  I wash my face, brush my teeth, put contacts in my eyes so I can see, and toss my hair in a messy top knot.  Before the end of breakfast, I have changed at least one diaper.  I have tooth paste on the front of my shirt and boogers on my sleeve.  My super comfortable yoga pants have dried paint on the from a project last year.  I make myself a cup of coffee so I can pretend to be a productive part of society.  The dishes get done (sometimes!), the laundry is going, and I’m working my online office.

This life has rendered something I never thought I’d be.  That mom.  That wife.
The one who typically leaves the house with no makeup on.  The one who would rather have happy, clean, cute kids than take five minutes to throw on a dab of mascara or a clean shirt.
By mid-morning, I have refereed at least two arguments between the kids.  That one toy that no one has touched for two days is now a hot topic among them.

After lunch, I take my place in the drop-off line at preschool.  One kid exits the car and the other goes home to nap.. hopefully!!
This is MY time.  On a good day, I have 2 hours of quiet work time.  My phone is muted, the laptop on and I’m ready to work.  I blast out my boutique emails and follow-up with customers.  I write to you!  Throughout the day, I plot what my next blog post will be about.  My head is constantly turning my real life into a story to write about.  Funny how one can find a topic to post in almost every situation.

By the end of my day I’ve cooked, cleaned, laundered, and chauffeured, among a few other duties.  It’s not glamorous.. or should I say I’m not glamorous..?
I cherish every moment.  Every definition of my name.  I wouldn’t be who I am today without these crazy kids running around.  My husband keeps me going too.  He is the backbone of our family and my partner!

But, there are days…  you know the ones.  When cooking is the last thing you want to do.  Or when skipping bath time would be wonderful! (after all, they didn’t do much to get dirty today, did they?!).  The days when you want your husband to come home, see your look of exhaustion and understand that take-out is going to happen…without having to speak of it.  I don’t know about you, but my husband does not get that hint.  At all!  Last week is the perfect example.  Tuesdays are always more busy for me, personally.  Tuesdays are my meeting days.  I love them.  It’s a bit of me working on me stuff time.  Anyhow, last week was busy.  We had several things happening and cooking was the very last thing I wanted to do.  My husband comes home and sees that I’m frazzled.  He continues on by asking “What’s for dinner?”.  My response should have been clear.. “I’m hoping we order out.  I have so much to do and a meeting tonight!”  He walks away to begin his normal after work relaxing ritual (change to comfy clothes & bathroom break for what seems like 45 minutes!).  I continue on.  Did I mention that his lack of acknowledgement has left me quite upset.  I know he heard me, I thought!  He comes back into the kitchen where I am doing dishes and asks what time dinner will be ready.  I think I may have blown it at this point.  Now, I’m totally annoyed.  I got snippy.   Didn’t you hear me politely request takeout tonight to save time in my dwindling day?!  No.  He didn’t.  Actually, he completely missed the entire remark.  Okay, fine.  I’ll cook.  And, so, I did.  It didn’t kill me, but I was surely not a happy girl.
I guess I just want him to understand my job sometimes.  He says he does, but I don’t buy it.  Do people really understand the life of a Mom?  The countless sleepless nights, the bed – hopping to make sure your kids are comfortable, the cold meals, the never-ending laundry pile, the house that doesn’t clean itself, the preschool line up where you’re embarrassed to get out of the car, the constant beckoning of your name, the list goes on.  I’m not looking for a five course meal at an expensive french restaurant.  I’m really hoping I have enough time (before my eyelids give up) to put some warm food into my mouth and not have to share with anyone under the age of 5.  Don’t forget about that shower that I haven’t taken yet.  Yeah, that’s me on more occasions than I care to count.

Being a parent is the most rewarding job I’ve ever held.  I want nothing more than to raise children to know that hard work does pay off and that our family is strong together.  I don’t need or want rewarded for my duties, I just want to be understood.  I want my husband to see that I am his wife, our kids mom, a boutique owner, an aspiring writer, and so much more.  That makeup doesn’t make me ME anymore.  It does help me feel more put together, but it’s not a defining aspect.  My hair may not be maintained the way it was when we met, but it’s still there.. kind of (hehe!).

My names define me.  I love being called mom.  Do I wish that it was used less often?  Yes, some days I do.  But when those days are too frequent, I’ll look back on how I felt that day last week and remember how much I miss those toddler faces and that adoring husband.  I guess this is why we keep hearing those inspirational quotes that tell us to “live for today”.  Because today’s frustration and exhaustion will fade, but tomorrow’s memories won’t.
I’ve taught myself a valuable lesson in this post.. it’s not always about being understood.  It’s also about perspective.

Good night friends!  I wish you well!!