The Mama Chronicles: Part 1

You know those days when you wake in the morning with your day planned.. ?  Then you remember that you have kids; ones who have a different idea of what you should be doing with yourself and time.  Well, that’s me.  Every day.  I can almost guarantee that if I make a plan, it won’t happen accordingly.  Over the years I’ve come to realize that there are far more important things to life than..  okay, now I’m digging deep here.  Hear me out..

My kids are my life.  They are the most adorable tiny humans, and they have complete control over me!  It’s rather funny to think that I would never allow an adult tell me what to do, go to the bathroom with me, stand outside the shower with their face pressed against the shower door, or eat my plate of food, yet these two lovely kids do just that.  If I remember correctly, before having kids, my husband and I wouldn’t even think of being in the vicinity of the bathroom while the other was occupying it.  Now, hands down.. its family time!!  At one point in my life, if you came near my dinner plate, I would totally stab you with my fork!  Now, if I get to eat a warm meal, it’s usually confiscated by small hands.  (even though their plates have the exact same meal on them!!)  How is it that a person can be born and in just a little time, control the very beings that gave them life!?  This I may never understand.  As we grow older, we learn that invading personal space is the very thing that will lead to a quick demise.  But somehow, babies, especially toddlers, will climb over us as if we’re playground equipment, “accidentally” kick us in the mouth, pull our hair, adorn our shoulders with boogers and the fronts of our shirts with their leftover breakfast… all before heading out the door in the morning!  Oh wait, then there is this scenario:  you’re in a hurry to leave.  The kids are dressed and looking fantastic.  You have already lint rolled your clothing to remove every trace of dog (or cat) hair.  THEN someone has to poop.  Yes, poop.  I don’t know about you, but in our house this is never an easy ordeal.  Oh no.. it’s a carnival of dancing, tearing clothes off, shoes flying, all with hopes that they make it to the potty before.. well, you know.  The other version is this:  She pooped in her diaper.  Ugh!  Now, you may think that this would be much better.  Not really.  We do things a bit differently.  I never had a changing table.  I thought they were useless pieces of furniture that we would grow out of quickly.  That said, we change diapers either on the floor (gasp!!) or on the bed.  So, here it is.. the cutest little girl smells like sewage and her pretty dress is at risk of reeking too.  Hurry, change that diaper!!!  Now we’re back to preparing to leave the house once again.  Uh oh.. EVERYONE needs lint rolled! Quick, roll the kids off so they look presentable.  Whew!  That was close (in the words of our 4 year old!)

Then you leave.  Taking the rather short drive to our destination is just about finished when you look in the rearview mirror to realize that both kids are asleep.  Really?!  There is a solution to this..  wake the oldest, he can walk.  Put the little one in the stroller.  That’s when this happens:  your oldest, who is too big for the stroller, will not wake up.  The smallest, who hates the stroller, is awake and refuses to sit in said stroller.  The one thought blaring through my mind.. is 10am too early for a glass of wine??   To make this joyous event more exciting is my husband being as tactful as he can be getting frustrated that neither kid is cooperating.  Yes, this happens more than I can say.  Don’t get me wrong, my husband is an amazing father.  But his patience level is a bit non-existent.  He would never survive being a stay-at-home dad.  Never!

Our family loves adventure.  We look forward to hopping in the car and going for the day.  Some people don’t understand why it takes us 2 x’s longer to leave the house, or why we have twice as much stuff to bring along everywhere we go.  Going on vacation is daunting with a suitcase for every person, plus toys and a stroller.  Don’t forget the diaper bag and sippy cups!  Did you make a list?  Don’t worry.. I’m sure we’ll forget something!  And it’s the same for going to the store!  Now that our kids are older we don’t have to carry as much to keep them happy on our little excursions.  We can just as easily stop at Target to grab whatever we need.  It’s like the diaper commercial that shows a new mom who sterilized everything, then a mom of two allowing the kids to eat cereal off the floor!  I have to laugh every time I see that because there is so much truth behind it.  I think I kept a small degree of neuroticism with our second kid, but I totally slacked on some.  “Oh, you’re laying on the dog bed?  That’s so cute!”  Where as if my first born did that I may have changed his clothes and wiped him off with a soapy cloth.

See, the joys of parenting are worth the laugh.  We all seem loony in the eyes of those who don’t understand, yet at the end of the day it’s worth it!  These kiddos drive us crazy and leave us wondering if we’ve made the right decisions, but we have.  We’re their parents.  Just enjoy the ride and laugh about it!