Today I’m returning to my passion.
I haven’t posted in many months due to many changes in our lives (all positive!).
I’ve struggled with what I wanted my return post to be. How was I going to present myself to you after so long. I had written many posts with ideas pouring out of me. Yet, none of them were on spot. It had to feel right. As the new year rolled around, I chose not to make a resolution that I doubted I’d stick to, but something more profound to me. So, I’m rediscovering myself. Making the necessary changes to get myself “together”, in turn, helping my family and the world around me.
The following post is one that I’ve worked on for awhile. I hope you feel where I’m coming from. It starts with one..
Here I am, 36 years old and still trying to find my place in this world. As a child, I had dreams. None of them were of my future wedding, having babies, or a white picket fence. I’d always dreamed that I would change the world. That I would create unexpected peace in the lives I touched. And that I would accomplish my seemingly optimistic goals through those dreams. Becoming a dentist was the first response I recall when asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?”.
Also, I wanted to have a pot belly pig, a vintage Corvette, and to live in a small apartment with a beautiful view of the Eiffel Tower. I never pretended that I’d live a life of luxury. Simple was perfect.
I wanted to be happy and for those around me to be happy as well.
Some days I struggle with this. I have a wonderful life. My loving husband has blessed me with two amazing kids. We live in a beautiful home in a lovely town. The people that surround us are both brilliant and loving. Yet, at times, I am consumed with negativity. The world has changed. A childhood dream is slowly fading into, what I consider, complacency. The terrors of the world have taken ahold of my inner-child. I fear that I no longer have a heartfelt desire to live in that small apartment in Paris with a view.
Now, I’m becoming something that I’ve never dreamed. Consistent. Instead of trotting the globe, giving my kids long-term home. Instead of changing the world, making a lasting positive impression on my kids that will change me. Being the person I want to be, instead of the person I’m expected to be.
You see, our world has changed and so have I. In all of the despair surrounding us, I’ve decided to change the way I see it. I may not be able to sprinkle smiles as I once thought, but I can start with mine!
If I improve me, I’ll be better prepared to do great things. I’m not talking about indulging in therapy or anything, but eating healthy, taking time to do the things that make me happy (writing and my jewelry/styling business) and organizing!! I’ve lost my organization skills over the years..and moving didn’t help! A timer. Seriously. A lovely friend recommended her tactic on life as using a timer to get tasks done, in a timely manner. I’m implementing this too.
Our lives are as simple or complex as we make them. I’m learning that the world doesn’t live for us, that we have to live the life we want. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. So, why wait for things to happen?! And, why be afraid to break down the barriers of fear that hold us back from what makes our heart sing?! I’m striving g for change in myself. To be me.. in a more positive light!
Friends, I wish you the best. I pray that all of your hopes & dreams come to reality. Live life.. for it is ours!
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