the closing of 2014.

I have never been so happy to end a year as I am today.  2014 has given our family a bit of frustration, heartache, and unnecessary stress.  Closing this chapter will, hopefully, lead to a bright and cheerful new year.

At the start of this year we were made aware of a largely potential change in our family, thanks to the military.  After many, many months of waiting and wondering, we finally got an answer.  Much to our dismay, that one simple answer lead us to more waiting and wondering.  It was awful.  Being at the hands of others making “decisions” about your family’s fate is not a good feeling.  Thankfully that’s over now.
Our move across the country wasn’t an easy one either.  After a ton of work and our family being separated, that closed one chapter of our lives.

Lately, our family has been rather stressed with more changes and decisions.  I tend to worry about things rather well.  That said, I’ve recently had a few sleepless nights praying for guidance and peace.  Our family needs to settle down.  We’ve been on the move for so long, we need a break.  Which leads to another dilemma on my mind.

I love the idea of following our dreams.  Honestly, the concept is what drives me to believe that one day I’ll live in Europe.  But after running into what feels like every roadblock, maybe I should let it go.  It doesn’t ever seem to work out because someone always has a better plan or idea for my life.  I understand that I sound incredibly selfish, and that’s not my intention.  I just want the most extraordinary life for myself, my husband, and our kids.  I know it takes work and extensive planning.  I’ve been working on this for years…trying to accommodate every life change to get us to where we want to be.
When we moved back to Pa, I made it clear that this was a temporary move and that once our duties are fulfilled here, we were off to Europe.  I’ve been waiting for many years for that chance.  Now that we’re being presented the opportunity, it’s still not going to happen.

Our family situation is about to change again and yet, there’s still no end insight.  My frustration has built recently.  Without sounding childish, when will I get to live the life I want?!  I’ve gone for years working the jobs that others thought were best for me, living in places that others want me to live, living the life that others want me to live.

Then I think…  at what point do I learn the difference between making my dreams come true and fate?  As much as I am screaming on the inside, just maybe this is where I’m meant to be.  I know and trust that God has a plan for me.  I pray that I’m not blinded by my dismay.  Being grateful for my life isn’t the issue.  I have an amazing life and family.  Our experiences are what have molded us to who we are.
But that fine line is what drives me bonkers.  Apparently, I don’t understand life’s signs well.  I would prefer a billboard with bright flashing lights to guide me in the right direction.  Since that isn’t likely, I’m trying to be patient.

The new year will be better.  And I will continue to count my blessings and be thankful for every person and opportunity we’ve been given.

Happy New Year everyone!!