honesty in the raw.

Well, our move across the US is complete and we are gradually getting settled into our new surroundings.  It has been a windy road for the past month, but things are calming down. 

As many of you already know, the move wasn’t my first choice, yet as I list the pros and cons, I know (deep, deep down!) that everything will be just fine.  Our family is together, safe and surrounded by loved ones. 
The three part move was an experience I hope to never relive.  I can’t complain because everything ran smoothly for the most part, but it was challenging. 

Now we are at a point of finding a place for our belongings and redecorating to suit the kids’ spaces and make them more *us*.  It is kind of fun.  Its really cute to see how excited Brixton gets about his new bedroom (that he doesn’t have to share!).  He loves his big boy bed.  Also, he won’t let anyone forget that its his room.  Which, by the way, he is no longer a co-sleeping toddler.  Even throughout the night, if he wakes, we must sleep in his bed, not him in ours.  Its rather amusing. 
Ingrid’s crib is still situated in our bedroom, but she’s become our new co-sleeper.  It seems to never end..one moves to his own bed and the other takes his spot! 

Otherwise, its as I figured.  The kids are extremely pleased to see their grandparents each day.  I must say, after being away for so long, it is nice to see everyone more often.  I’ve been able to reconnect with friends I hadn’t seen in years.  That is a huge plus.

Oh, but, then my mind wanders..  I still can’t shake the idea that coming back to my hometown was something I never thought I’d do.  Temporary or not.  I almost feel uneasy about things.. as if I can’t truly settle-in because I’m only biding my time.  Ahh!  Then I read.  A lot.  I read things that make me think even more.  Like, if I would write my own eulogy, would it be what I had always imagined.  Not. At. All. 
Now, I know its not possible to change one part of my history without changing it all and I cant have MY life be worthwhile without my husband and kiddos.  Picture perfect isn’t my goal, but my eulogy would contain those three most important people no matter what I could/would change.
Neither here nor there since its all impossible, right?!  Therefore, I should no longer read or think about life.  HA! That’ll never happen.  I’m a thinker.  Have always been.  As a teenager, I wrote poetry as a way to express feelings because talking wasn’t my strong point. 

Yesterday was difficult.  I actually felt more bummed than I had in a long time.  Then, I realized this is incredibly unfair to my family..  just because our current temporary situation wasn’t my first choice,  its not the end.  And my kids don’t understand what my problem is.  I was being selfish.  To alleviate my mood the kids and I went outside to play and run around the yard.  Oh boy..that helped.  We had a blast.  Over an hour of fresh air and sunshine left the kids tired and mama refreshed.  It was wonderful to rid my mind of the funky feeling. 
I’m not sure what tomorrow will be like, but as long as my family is together, safe, and healthy…it’s all good.  We’ll make the best of any situation!