making life livable.

i’ve recently been thinking of how i’d like to take a step back from chaos. i know its something that i’ll never truly get away from, but making my daily life less chaotic sounds wonderful. see, now that i have my two amazing kids, i want to concentrate on them. not to say that i want to neglect my wants or needs in life, but i brought them into this world, therefore, i want to give it to them. that said, i think i need to suspend my schooling for a bit. i commend any parent that can go to school (and work) and be a mom/dad. it is hard work. currently i am enrolled in a class that i was cautioned was quite difficult. being myself, i thought i could handle it. unfortunately, i got in over my head and it resulted in a grade that i am embarrassed of.

after high school i decided to go straight into the working world, instead of college. i did this because i had no idea what i wanted to do. since i realized what i want for my life, i began taking college courses in 2009. i strived for something i hadn’t had… a 4.0 GPA. i achieved my goal, but this recent class has me second-guessing where i am today. a passing grade isn’t okay with me. i want to be a stand-out student. a degree in communications is what i’m working toward, but a less than par grade just won’t cut it. especially when that grade is in a class that is the epitome of my future career. ugh, this is on the verge of heartbreaking.

but priorities have changed. my kids need my full attention.

today i met with ingrid’s therapist and coordinator. she will begin therapy shortly with a developmental therapist. no doubt this will be good for her, and us. the coordinator was impressed with her and her abilities for a 4 month old with ds. apparently, she really has surpassed many obstacles that ds kids are faced with. that’s our girl!!

then we have brixton who just turned two. if i say he’s a friendly tornado, i mean it with all the love in the world. he really is. the boy is a joy to have around, but a handful nonetheless. he had a check-up with his pediatrician a few weeks ago. she was amazed that he, at the time wasn’t quite 2 years old, already knew his ABC’S and could count to 20. this may not be a huge accomplishment for some, but i’m proud of him. he is a very smart and amazing little boy.

see, they need their mama. i don’t want to miss anything of importance in their growing up. this is the time that i feel i need to focus on. and to do so, i wouldn’t be putting 100% into school work. getting great grades in school with the amount of studying that i find necessary, and being the best mama i can be..just won’t jive.

therefore, i chose to pause. making my life more livable to enjoy the things at the forefront of my world right now. oh, i’m excited! this probably seems a bit strange to some because i am a stay-at-home mom. that’s okay. i’m sure my blue hair seems strange as well. i can handle that. being something other than “normal” isn’t new for me. (HA!!) i do feel better about letting this go for a while. focusing on one integral part of my life at a time is key for this point in my life. my family comes first.

did i mention that i’m still obsessing over Europe? yeah, that won’t leave me alone. now brixton tells his daddy that he wants to go to Paris with mama! makes me laugh every time. every night at bedtime brixton and i look at photos of France. all i need is for ingrid to tell him the same thing when she’s ready. (by the way, i’ve began planning our first trip to Paris & Germany. i’m oozing with excitement!!) if anyone out there has any suggestions of places to eat, visit, etc. please let me know!

oops. brixton just woke up from his nap. to avoid any random beating on the keyboard in an attempt to type like mama, i’m signing off for now.